The Day I Went Radio Silent

I just read the last posts I wrote before I went radio silent when KK was admitted to the hospital for the last time...

On April 27, 2017, I wrote:

...this week, I trust that God will continue to lead us no matter what the MRI reveals.

We didn't make it to the scheduled MRI on May 3.

On Sunday, April 30, KK and I went to church.  It was Chapel Family Sunday and I had to speak during both worship services.  KK did what she loved most during first service -- she loved on the babies in the nursery.  During second service, she sat with me in the sanctuary and laid her head on my shoulder, trying not to fall asleep.

It was a pretty low key afternoon as KK took a nap and enjoyed a long bath.  As I tucked her in bed around 7pm, I told her, "I'm going to come in and check on you in a little while because I'm worried about you."  When I went to check on her an hour later, she didn't budge.  I figured she was just in a deep sleep and would check on her in another hour or so.  At 9:30, I went in to check on her and get her up to go to the bathroom.  Again, she didn't respond to my voice or my nudging.  I turned on the light and she eventually opened her eyes.  However, she wasn't able to sit up.  I called Dana Farber.  While I waited for the doctor on call to return my call, I was able to get KK to sit up in bed.  The doctor said I needed to bring KK to Children's Hospital and that I could call for an ambulance to bring her there if need be.  I called my parents and told them I needed them to come immediately.  KK and I worked together to get her down the three stairs of her loft bed and to the living room where we were able to get her shoes and jacket on.  I put a few more things in our hospital bag then helped KK painstakingly down the stairs and to the car where we waited about 5 minutes before my parents arrived.  As we waited, I wrote:

We are heading to Children's for an emergency MRI. Prayers appreciated.

In the emergency room, KK needed to be changed and for the first time (at least while she was conscious) she was unable to assist in the process.  When KK was unable to "bridge", I realized that KK's final days would be spent in the hospital.  Previously, KK had stated that she wanted to die at home if at all possible, but she understood if it wasn't possible.  Unfortunately, I knew that I wouldn't be able to care for her by myself at home and hospice care only provided a nurse to assist in the morning and evening.  So once the MR vent check revealed what we already knew, I told the doctors that we would need to do hospice at the hospital.