Saturday, July 18, 2015

God-Ordained Moments...part 2

In my last post about God-ordained moments, I shared how God met KK in a very personal way while she was at camp. Here is how He met me...

While KK was at HUME, I spent most of my days preparing for Backyard Clubs (BYC): finalizing crafts and games, shopping for supplies, prepping the daily bins. There was a lot to do each day. It was nice to be able to go to the office and stay as late as I needed to get the job done. It was also nice to be able to go from store to store without worrying about KK (either pushing her too far or leaving her home alone). At the end of the day, I still had some work that I planned to do from the comfort of my couch.

The evenings were not as I ended up spending way too much time in my own head.

The evenings were there was no Kindle playing an audio book or music all night long from KK's room.

The evenings were dark...since I didn't have to leave the bathroom light on all night for KK. I dealt with a greater darkness though.

By Tuesday night, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that a home without KK in it could be my reality by this time next year. Needless to say, I was a mess. I cried until I thought I could cry no more.

When I went to the office on Wednesday, I tried my best to hold back the tears. It wasn't long before Derek asked if I was okay and the floodgates opened. The staff surrounded me with prayer. (The love and care of this team is yet another reason why I love my job!)

On Wednesday evening, I did a little self-care then continued my BYC prep. As I read through the lessons and the corresponding Bible passages for BYC, God reminded me over and over again about His great love for me (and for KK)...

  • God’s Love is Incredible!  “You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.” (Psalm 86:5)
  • God’s Love is Faithful!  “Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23)
  • God’s Love is Invincible!  “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:18a)
  • God’s Love is Unconditional!  “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
  • God’s Love is Real!  “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13)
The next day, I was still ready to cry at the drop of a hat, but I was doing a little better.

On Thursday evening, I started reading a book that I picked up at Mass Hope's Used Curriculum Sale a couple weeks beforehand. As I read, I was reminded that I need to keep my focus on God and not on the giant (known as Charlie) in front of me...

Focus on giants -- you stumble.
Focus on God -- your giants tumble.  
I'm a realist. I know that it is still a very real possibility that KK may not be here next year. However, I am choosing to trust that God's plan for both of our lives is perfect and that He will be with me no matter what tomorrow (or next year) brings.

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.

My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.
~ Psalm 57:1-2, 7-11

Here is the song from BYC that I have been singing ALL.THE.TIME.

Did I mention that I bought the BYC materials back in March? I am so grateful that God met me in such an amazingly personal way!


Judy Bleau said...

Tanya, thank you for sharing in such a beautiful way. Your words are encouraging to all, even as we want to be encouraging you.

Vickie Hampton said...

Hugs and prayers.
Love, vickie