Breathe and Pray

Last week was a test of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

KK woke up on Monday with a stiff and sore neck. I had flashbacks to March when KK couldn't move her head. I breathed and I prayed.

I joked with KK that I was having a PTSD moment. I breathed and I prayed.

I brought KK to the chiropractor and cried (poor Dr. Brooke) as I explained what was happening while she got adjusted. I breathed and I prayed.

I told the physical therapist what was happening and she worked with KK on some neck stretches the entire time. I breathed and I prayed.

I scheduled a massage for Tuesday. I breathed and I prayed.

I asked KK a zillion times what her pain levels were. I breathed and I prayed.

I asked KK another zillion times if she had a headache or if she felt nauseous. I breathed and I prayed.

Each thing brought temporary relief. KK's pain level fluctuated throughout Monday and Tuesday, but she didn't have any other symptoms.

KK still had a little stiffness on Wednesday, but her pain level was on the low side. We went to the chiropractor then to PT and OT. She did really well at PT and OT -- they worked her hard. Just before bed, KK said that her back hurt. She laid down and tried to sleep. Within an hour, she was up asking for Tylenol for the pain.

It was then that my PTSD kicked into full gear.

I wish I could say I breathed and I prayed. Alas, I did not. Instead, I dove head first into a bag of chips.

I decided to email KK's team at Jimmy Fund to let them know what was happening (I had refrained from contacting them when there was only one symptom). As I typed everything that had been happening, I realized the back pain was probably due to all the upper body and core work she did at PT and OT.  I breathed and I prayed.

KK woke up on Thursday with no back or neck pain, just a little stiffness in her neck.

I hate PTSD.

I don't know if a stiff neck will ever be just a stiff neck...or a headache just a headache...or throwing up just...well, you know.